Started as a Poem…

I just want it to cease. The gnawing, the scratching, the endless etching of epithets on the surface of my mind. The pain caused by my insecurities, by my anxiety, by the constant worrying. I don’t want to drive others away, but I cannot let them in. They can’t know what I must endure alone. The fires are roaring, the forges are working, but the shadow closes tighter. Seamless, is the border between the light and dark. A constant struggle to beat back the dark, to live my life in joy, to bring that joy to others.
I’m alright.  I tell myself. I can do this. I am stronger than I give myself credit for.
I’m not sure I agree with that voice. The shadows are holding me down.
That is making my mood awful. I am angry, sad, and frustrated, all at the same time.
I don’t wish to lash out at anyone. I don’t want to snap at you or make things worse. You’ve your own worries, fears, and stress, that I don’t wish to bring you down into the shifting miasma. My job, is to bring people up out of it. I don’t want to be in the mire, myself, but for now, it is my role. I’ll suffer the pain and onslaught, if to save others from it.
The mental and emotional turmoil translates to physical pain. My head, my neck and my joints all ache. A permanent sinus headache and the worst muscular aching I can describe. I don’t even want to type, I just want to curl up in a ball and cry. If only to release the pressure in my head. Oh well, I don’t wish to tack on extra worry. I’ll be alright.

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