Remember when you were a little kid, seeing that girl that you liked and smiling at her, before doing something super painful? You slipped on the loose sand and skinned the side of your leg. Tears welled up in your eyes, but you didn’t cry, to look brave for her.
I will not cry. I won’t cry. I will bare this pain, so she doesn’t have to share in it.
That’s a similar state of mind I am in, 20+ years later.
I am incredibly stressed out. Honestly, it’s about time. I’m feeling more like an adult than I did 12 years ago, when I actually became an adult. Stress of finding a good job, any job. Stress of keeping the ones I love happy. Stress of keeping my disease in check (Which I have done quite well the last six months, I must say). I am on the verge of tears. They are welled up in my eyes, but because I am needed elsewhere, I cannot put my needs above another’s, as it is not my personality. Never was. Some of you will think this is in the same vein of mental distress as some of my vague poetry from the last few months. It isn’t. The subject matter may sound similar, but the subjects themselves, have changed.
I want you all to be happy. I want you all to live stress free lives.
I’m not sure if it’s better to let out the pain yet. I think I’ll just grin and bare it.