Some Insight

My head is pounding. My eyes are burning; stinging tears that well up within. My voice is hoarse, from sobbing and wailing to nobody. Silently waiting for the next bomb to fall. My face is blank, but it hides a deep and primal rage. An unkempt malice, waiting to be unleashed. I know it’s there. You know it’s there. The despair comes first, then the rage, then despair again. Happiness is but a flight of fancy, as I am doomed to repeat this cycle eternally. Internally. Others say that they understand. They can sympathize. They do not empathize. I can’t stop the ceaseless pounding in my head. Pain, both physical and mental, constantly hammering away inside my skull.
The disease says that I’m being punished. That I am to endure the pain and torment. That I’m not worth helping. That I’m not worth saving. I should just be let go and forgotten.
The disease is ever gnawing at my sanity. Eroding my confidence and drive. The disease is relentless. The disease is omnipresent.
I cannot let it win.
But how can I not? It’s the voice that I hear loudest. I hear it every single day. I can sometimes drown it out.
The disease is trying to drown me out. A presence in the void. The hole left in my heart, where all I find is turmoil.
I am tired of the pain.

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