In Lieu of Recent Events, I Shall Tell You My Favorite Joke

Corporal Riley was out on the battlefield, when the bombs fell. One of the explosions knocked his rifle out of his hands and smashed it all to pieces. Riley, deciding the coast was clear, headed back to HQ to get a new weapon.
Upon arriving, he went to the armory to secure a new rifle. As he entered, he was greeted by a grizzled old colonel.
“What’s this? A rifleman not on the front line? Get back out there, soldier! We have a war to win!” The colonel exclaimed. Corporal Riley was unfazed.
“Sir, My rife was destroyed in a blast. I am not armed.” He replied. The colonel shook his head.
“Are you mad? You have a gun right there!” The colonel darted forward and shaped the corporal’s hand like a gun, index finger pointing out, and thumb in the air. “Now, go out there, and remember to say ‘Bangity bang’ when you fire that thing.” With a shove, the colonel sent Riley back into the war.
Riley went back to his post, worried and scared.
How could this possibly work? He’s insane! Riley thought to himself. He then spotted an enemy soldier creeping towards him. Rolling his eyes, he raised his gun-hand and whispered; “Bangity bang.”
To his surprise, the enemy soldier fell over, dead.
“That had to be a fluke.” Riley muttered to himself, in utter disbelief. He saw another soldier and did the same thing.
“Bangity Bang.” With that, the enemy fell in a muddled heap. A smile spread over Corporal Riley’s face.
For several hours, Riley racked up kill after kill. All that was heard was him saying Bangity bang, as his enemies were felled.
As he laid waste to his foes, one man walked straight at him. Riley pointed at him.
“Bangity bang.” But nothing happened. Fearing that he missed, he tried again.
“Bangity bang.” The man still walked straight towards him, getting closer all the time.
“Bangity bang. Bangity bang BANGITY BANG!!” Trying desperately to bring this foe down, when he was knocked down by him. The pain was incredible.
In last moments, he heard the enemy soldier talking to himself.
“Tankity tank. Tankity tank. Tankity tank.”

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