Sentinel

Atop the tall cliff
Watching intently
A sentinel stands guard
Motionless, silently

A barrier to those who
Would seek to harm
Be they in the city
Or the outlying farm

The sentinel is not bored
It feels no pain or strife
It seeks to protect all
Who fear their loss of life

A shot from the dark streaks past
A battlecry is heard
The newest opponents come to view
The sentinel says no word

One attacker swings his blade
The sentinel dodges right
With blinding speed, he slams his foe
Sentinel brings the fight

Three more charge in the fray
With unrelenting zeal
More vicious strikes to each of them
Leaves them with pain to feel

A seemingly endless horde emerged
The sentinel raised its fist
A bolt of lightning struck its arm
New powers on its list

It waved its arm in an arc
And every bandit fell
A smoldering pile of bodies lay
Their souls are now in Hell

A thunderous crash is heard then
As trees fall in the wake
A monstrous vision to behold
Has caused the ground to shake

This bandit lord was mountainous
He stood round sixty feet
In his arms a great mace of steel
He took up the entire street

The sentinel closed its eyes there
In a meditative state
It had to muster all its strength
Before it was too late

The sentinel pleaded with the gods
To imbue its soul with strength
The bandit lord raised the giant mace
It was an enormous length

The sentinel was engulfed in violet flame
The gods had seen its heart
They gave it all the power they had
To stop this lord, before the start

Before all reactions
The bandit’s head was cleaved
The sentinel had cut him lightning quick
Its sword already sheathed

It raised its hands above its head
The violet flames grew hot
Immolated all the foes
And now there was not

The sentinel landed softly
Its work was now complete
It walked back to the silent post
To guard this lonely street

Hailstones

Darkened skies surround me
A familiar scene
Depressing words grace the page
Angry hearts lash out

But a mindset has changed
I am sick of feeling this way
As hailstones batter my body
I am forced to fight my mind

The wind is howling
The rain tears at my flesh
I shout my frustrations
To un-hearing ears

The same old song
You all know these words
Futures past
The lyrics don’t bend

A twist of pain inside my heart
The hammer on my soul
The fury in my mind
As hailstones crush my bones

Not good enough
Not quite
Archaic thought
Getting warmer

I fall to my knees
Splashing in mud
I sob to myself softly
As hailstones smash my mind

One Day

Early this morning
I awoke to the sound
of thunder and lightning
With no one around

It cracked the sky open
And started to rain
It pounded my windows
My sleep- couldn’t feign

I raced to the porch then
And started to stare
When I was a child
This surely would scare

Such storm anxiety
Had tempered my mind
Fascinated now
By every storm I could find

Hail was now falling
With impeccable speed
The wind now was howling
What more could I need?

Suddenly cars flew
And trees met their match
As a vortex knocked aside
Everything it could catch

The excitement had left me
Replaced now by fear
I had to go warn
Everyone I held dear

Emily in the kitchen
My dog in the hall
The neighbors were running
When the houses all fall

“A twister is coming”
I shouted a plea
Auntie Em came a running
To come protect me

My dog in my arms
With a knock to my head
I flew on to Oz
With new colors instead

I woke among dwarves
And a long golden walk
Then they all started singing
Things started to talk

A man made of metal
A man made of straw
A cowardly lion
Who made me say “Awwwww!”

We wandered towards the castle
Of glorious green
Assaulted by monkeys
Winged, fierce, and mean

We met with a witch
Who hated for some reason
My shiny red shoes
Though quite out of season

Her words were like bee stings
Like my skin was welting
When I spilled my water
She cried out “I’m melting!”

We escaped to the castle
With some big old buffoon
Trying to be scary
But he was just a dumb goon

Hid behind the curtain
Was a very nice man
“I want to go home”
And he had a plan

I had to click my shoes
And repeat the words
“Klaatu Verada…”
That stuff’s for the birds

With a wave of goodbye
I awoke in my bed
With everyone ’round me
Thinking I was dead

Birds outside chirping
While I rest with my dog
I closed up my eyes
And I slept like a log

Poetic Torment

Lost in a mansion
Where nothing is clear
Cannot find an exit
At least nowhere near

My mind is so cloudy
My soul’s filled with smoke
My heart’s feeling empty
My mood is no joke

Falling and flailing
I grasp at thin air
Grab hold of some reason
When it begins to tear

I fall further still
No end in sight
This must be a nightmare
My eyes squeezed too tight

Silently floating
Plummeting quickly
Tears leave my eyes
My stomach feels sickly

Utter turmoil
A whisper of pain
Thunderous uproar
From the utterly sane

I feel all alone now
Yet surrounded by you
I look all around me
You’re all that’s in view

Space what you’re needing
Yet comfort I crave
I’ll feel like this always
Even in my grave

Sadness my partner
Agony my friend
Yet love makes me stronger
To the very end

I won’t let this beat me
I must take a stand
Although I am falling
I just have to land.

But now I am weeping
The numbness too great
Depression is winning
Mania I hate

Sobbing quite plainly
Alone in my room
Everyone is sleeping
Alone in my doom

Self hatred is burning
Worthlessness abound
The darkness is gaining
Because you’re not around

A terrible burden
I’m sorry my dear
I know that I’ve caused this
My unquenchable fear

The illness is healing
But still it just fights
Keeping me drowning
Through slumberless nights

The harder I hide it
The more it reveals
I cry out in anger
As the wound weals

Despair is my heart now
While the back of my mind
Is screaming out answers
That I cannot find

My muse is now ending
I write out my fears
The sadness is blinding
Through salt-stinging tears

Waking Nightmare

You arrived! You finally arrived! I was ecstatic! I brought all your things inside and took your coat. You were here! I couldn’t contain myself. I gave you the biggest hug I could possibly give.
“What do you want to do first?” I asked. “Should we go for a walk by the lake? Go see the sights?”
You were so tired from the trip, that you plopped down on the couch.
“We can hang out here too.” I said, with biggest, dumb grin on my face.
“You know what the best part is?” I asked you, looking into your eyes.
“What’s that?” You asked in return.
You’re¬†here.” As I leaned forward to kiss you on the chin. You knowingly smiled.
I took your hand, and lead you into the other room. You were smiling at last.
Suddenly, a car horn blared.
I opened my eyes.
I was in my bed, alone. You still weren’t here. You hadn’t arrived.
As I wiped my eyes of sleep, I looked around.
We fought the night before.
We went to sleep frustrated.
You weren’t here to give the biggest hug.
I can’t give you a kiss on your chin.
I can’t lead you into the next room.
The memory of the dream is already fading. I try to hold onto it as long as possible.
Sheer happiness.
*sigh*
Time to start the day.

Loss and Grief

You know how when you’re sick, everything on TV is food? You don’t want to see food when you’re sick.
The same happens when you’ve lost someone dear to you. Someone you love more than anything. When you lose that person, all you see is their face. In everything. Everything you took for granted reminds you of them. Every song, every word, every person who still has their someone. They are always on your mind.

I’ve experienced loss before. This is the first time, though, that it hurts. It hurts more than anything I could describe. I wish that I could fix it. I wish I could bring back that feeling of utter euphoria, but I can’t. I am, even as I’m typing this, crying and screaming. I am in utter turmoil and I cannot properly express the emotions I’m having. I don’t want to really express the very clear fears I have of the future. It scares me to recognize what I have realized about both myself and the situation. It makes me very sad and very angry at the same time.

I can’t help thinking that it’s my fault. It very much isn’t, but I don’t have a time machine, to throttle the one who started this. Cryptic though that may be, it means something to me. I cannot share my time with someone I truly love, because of a rule made by a bigot,¬†thousands of years ago. That makes me very angry. Maybe that’s not fair. You’re right. It isn’t fair. It is the absolute opposite of fair.

I have renounced my faith in an omniscient creator. There is no way that a “benevolent god” would show me the greatest love of my entire life, just to snatch her away on a technicality. That is not benevolence. That is malevolence. It’s not the first time in my life I have hated this idea. My first girlfriend cheated on me. The second one was afraid of men. The third used my then best friend to make my life hell. My fourth beat the hell out of me, emotionally and physically. But then there was this girl. Utterly perfect. Now she’s gone too.
There is no god.

And if there is some omnipotent force up there watching down on this, I hope it can see the seething anger I have towards it. Am I to really believe that he loves us all? Really? Bullshit. If I’m to go to paradise and see her spend eternity with another, that isn’t heaven. That is worse than lakes of burning sulfur.

Actually, you, reader, imagine that.

You probably have your shit together better than I do. Imagine your significant other in all their glory. Now imagine them with someone you don’t know. And they’re happy. Without you. You now have a grasp of what I’m feeling.

I will not be okay for a very long time. I expect to be in this state of despair for a very long time. I expect that during my grief, I’ll be told to grow up. To get over it, because nothing I’m experiencing is new. To those people, I will politely and calmly say now; Fuck yourselves with a rake.

 

In Lieu of Recent Events, I Shall Tell You My Favorite Joke

Corporal Riley was out on the battlefield, when the bombs fell. One of the explosions knocked his rifle out of his hands and smashed it all to pieces. Riley, deciding the coast was clear, headed back to HQ to get a new weapon.
Upon arriving, he went to the armory to secure a new rifle. As he entered, he was greeted by a grizzled old colonel.
“What’s this? A rifleman not on the front line? Get back out there, soldier! We have a war to win!” The colonel exclaimed. Corporal Riley was unfazed.
“Sir, My rife was destroyed in a blast. I am not armed.” He replied. The colonel shook his head.
“Are you mad? You have a gun right there!” The colonel darted forward and shaped the corporal’s hand like a gun, index finger pointing out, and thumb in the air. “Now, go out there, and remember to say ‘Bangity bang’ when you fire that thing.” With a shove, the colonel sent Riley back into the war.
Riley went back to his post, worried and scared.
How could this possibly work? He’s insane! Riley thought to himself. He then spotted an enemy soldier creeping towards him. Rolling his eyes, he raised his gun-hand and whispered; “Bangity bang.”
To his surprise, the enemy soldier fell over, dead.
“That had to be a fluke.” Riley muttered to himself, in utter disbelief. He saw another soldier and did the same thing.
“Bangity Bang.” With that, the enemy fell in a muddled heap. A smile spread over Corporal Riley’s face.
For several hours, Riley racked up kill after kill. All that was heard was him saying Bangity bang, as his enemies were felled.
As he laid waste to his foes, one man walked straight at him. Riley pointed at him.
“Bangity bang.” But nothing happened. Fearing that he missed, he tried again.
“Bangity bang.” The man still walked straight towards him, getting closer all the time.
“Bangity bang. Bangity bang BANGITY BANG!!” Trying desperately to bring this foe down, when he was knocked down by him. The pain was incredible.
In last moments, he heard the enemy soldier talking to himself.
“Tankity tank. Tankity tank. Tankity tank.”