A Goofy Christmas (A parody of “A Visit From St. Nicholas)

Twas the night before Christmas
Where throughout the room
Not a sound could be heard
Except for KABOOM!!

The parents came rushing
From out of their beds
They opened the door
Grim looks on their heads

“What are you doing?!”
The father had yelled
Mother just grimaced
From the odor she smelled

The funniest sight
Was right in the middle
A smoldering boy
In a puddle of piddle

“I came down the stairs”
He started through cries
His parents just face-palmed
Through their heavy sighs

“Let me start guessing
“You wily young brat
“To open your gifts now
“To see that big fat–”

Mother slapped father
Right upside his dome
“He’s called Santa Claus
“At least in this home!”

“So anyway, honey
“Just tell us what happened
“But do tell us quickly
“Or dad’s mouth’ll start flappin’”

“Santa Claus is mean!
“He ridiculed me!
“He reached in his bag
“Got an RPG!!

“He slid in a rocket
“And started his rants,
“It was at this time
“That I soiled my pants.

“He fired a rocket
“That blew up in flames!
“He went up our chimney
“While calling me names!

“So that’s just what had happened”
The small, moist boy said
And with that he fainted
Landed right on his head

And so our tale ends here
With a moral in mind
Spend your life in the Arctic
You won’t be so kind

Sticks and Stones

The sun came up
Dropping its warming rays
All over the Earth.
The birds chirped in delightful unison
Singing the songs of Morning’s light
A dull droning was ignored
The children played gleefully
Playing Hide & Seek and Tag
Riding hobby horses and jumping in mud puddles
The droning became a distant roar
The clouds raced across the azure sky
As if they ran a relay race
Where the Sun stood as witness to their playing
The roar became like angry thunder
Dogs barked their muffled words
Through Frisbee teeth and stinging noise
A deafening cacophony
One speeding shadow, across the ground
A single glimpse of diving steel
The brilliant flash and heat from Hell
All was quiet; nothing more

Shroud of Mania

The thoughts abundant inside of my head
There is no room to scream
Always spurning, ever working
Though I’ve run out of steam

Random sounds and colors play
A game around my mind
Shouting songs and evil cries
Silence is hard to find

Yell and shout and shriek and scream
Be cruel- Do not relent
Throw and break all you have
Release that what you’ve pent

The malice spewed out of my mouth
Intensifies its power
I cannot stop what has begun
My happy mindset cowers

I shriek my fury at great length
The madness fills the void
No longer am I happy
To which I am devoid

I crumple to the floor in tears
The anger simply fades
The sobs grow stronger as I recall
All the mistakes I’ve made

A Lament

How does one turn off their brain? How can I tell myself everything will be alright?
Today is supposed to be a day of celebration. It is Independence Day. I should be jovial, with friends and family, blowing up cardboard tubes and eating barbecue.
So why is it that I just want to curl up and cry?
I spend my days making sure others are alright. I distract their minds from their own troubles, and then, in turn, I distract myself. It’s during the holidays, however, that I crumble. Cascading like a house of cards in an electric fan showroom.
I should be able to just perk myself up, but it’s not working. I am feeling really low. I had fun this weekend. One of my best friends had his 29th birthday, we had Merica Day on Saturday. One of my other best friends ran a half marathon, for funsies, I suppose.
Why do I feel like this? Lonely, without being alone. It sucks.
Hopefully everyone has a pleasant day. Forget your troubles and enjoy yourselves. Happy Fourth.
I’ll be over here, trying to muster the energy to smile.

An Open Letter, to a Californian

You can get mad at me. Lash out at me, someone on the periphery. But at the end of the day, you’re still in pain, still going through withdrawals and fighting with someone younger than yourself. Someone that you don’t even know. Over something I have nothing to do with. 
Remember when I called you out for being immature? You’re not really helping yourself out by yelling at someone you don’t even know. It’s kind of sad, really.
You can yell at me, though. Get angry, pretend you’re smashing in my skull. Vent your rage on me. I can and will take it, because you know what?
You’re also on my periphery
I don’t know you either.
I just know that you’ll stay mad at me. I want that anger.
You need to go and seek professional help. Speak to a counselor, a therapist, a doctor, anyone. You are obviously under a lot of stress, and why wouldn’t you be? I’m not saying you need to move past this now. It’s going to take time, for both of you. I know that, because a year ago I was in the exact position you were in. I got angry too. I was mad at her, I was mad at myself and everyone around. In time, it healed. Just like it will for you.
I love that you attacked me personally, though. I never did that to you. I respect our mutual friend too much to attack your character. I don’t see the need for it. It wouldn’t help anything. If you want to attack me and my character, do it. It speaks volumes as to who you are as a human being far better than I ever could with a sharp tongue. Though, one could argue that I’m doing that now, attacking you I mean. I’m not trying to, just getting my thoughts down, in a forum that you cannot control. You can talk behind my back, seeding your friends with malcontent against me and I couldn’t care less. I wanted this reaction two weeks ago. I called it too. Man I knew you would get mad at me.
I’m actually very surprised you sent me a message and then unfriended me, like it never happened. This is 2016, however, and I took screenshots. It is sad that it had come to this, because two weeks ago, when you said that you and I had reached an understanding, which I thought we had, you then blew up on me tonight, unprovoked.
Like a child who wanted so badly to get a toy, before you left the store.
I’m very sorry that you’re in pain, sir. It sucks, and I wouldn’t want anyone to go through it. I thought we had set aside our differences like men, but now you threw a wooden block at my head like a child.
It’s very sad, I’m sure, for someone to see us squabbling in our own passive aggressive ways too. For someone to look in on this and shake their head.
Why can’t they just drop it? Why do they have to continue bickering like children?
I don’t know. After this letter is completed, I shall prevent further caustic influences.
I sincerely hope you seek professional help, sir. This isn’t healthy for her, your family and friends, and most of all, for you. This anger will consume you if you let it.
And lashing out at me isn’t going to help one iota.
I genuinely hope you have a great life and I wish you good fortune.
-Tom “Monty” Burns

Tormented

Twisting at the core, constantly shifting. Forms innumerable and changing constantly, his soul writhed within him. Insecurities surfacing, screaming, then sinking below the miasma once more. His past sets fires within him, some to remind, some to inspire. Some just to cause immeasurable pain.
Wracked in eternal conflict, he drops to his knees. Pressing clenched fists into the sides of his head, he pleaded with the unseen to cease this torment. Anything just to stop the constant turmoil.
No help came.
The lights are gone.
Left in the dark, left to his pain, left in torture.
Alone with his despair.

The Horror

He’s trying to kill us. I don’t know how we came to be in this situation. All I know is that he won’t take either of us. I would die to save you. He will fail.
We’ve been running and hiding for hours. Why is he chasing us? What did we do?
No no, please don’t cry, my dear. It will be okay.
Of course I’m scared, but my anger for him and love for you are keeping me cold.
I will end this.
As I step out into the open, I wave my arms to try to get his attention. I will take him on to save my love. As he charged me, with unfeeling wrath, I could feel the darkness wash over me. I looked at my love and stretched out my arm. She grabbed my hand and smiled. As we drifted beyond.
—-
“Mom! I mowed the lawn!” the boy screamed, as he turned off the lawnmower. He dashed back across the lawn, unaware of the carnage he had wrought.