Loss and Grief

You know how when you’re sick, everything on TV is food? You don’t want to see food when you’re sick.
The same happens when you’ve lost someone dear to you. Someone you love more than anything. When you lose that person, all you see is their face. In everything. Everything you took for granted reminds you of them. Every song, every word, every person who still has their someone. They are always on your mind.

I’ve experienced loss before. This is the first time, though, that it hurts. It hurts more than anything I could describe. I wish that I could fix it. I wish I could bring back that feeling of utter euphoria, but I can’t. I am, even as I’m typing this, crying and screaming. I am in utter turmoil and I cannot properly express the emotions I’m having. I don’t want to really express the very clear fears I have of the future. It scares me to recognize what I have realized about both myself and the situation. It makes me very sad and very angry at the same time.

I can’t help thinking that it’s my fault. It very much isn’t, but I don’t have a time machine, to throttle the one who started this. Cryptic though that may be, it means something to me. I cannot share my time with someone I truly love, because of a rule made by a bigot, thousands of years ago. That makes me very angry. Maybe that’s not fair. You’re right. It isn’t fair. It is the absolute opposite of fair.

I have renounced my faith in an omniscient creator. There is no way that a “benevolent god” would show me the greatest love of my entire life, just to snatch her away on a technicality. That is not benevolence. That is malevolence. It’s not the first time in my life I have hated this idea. My first girlfriend cheated on me. The second one was afraid of men. The third used my then best friend to make my life hell. My fourth beat the hell out of me, emotionally and physically. But then there was this girl. Utterly perfect. Now she’s gone too.
There is no god.

And if there is some omnipotent force up there watching down on this, I hope it can see the seething anger I have towards it. Am I to really believe that he loves us all? Really? Bullshit. If I’m to go to paradise and see her spend eternity with another, that isn’t heaven. That is worse than lakes of burning sulfur.

Actually, you, reader, imagine that.

You probably have your shit together better than I do. Imagine your significant other in all their glory. Now imagine them with someone you don’t know. And they’re happy. Without you. You now have a grasp of what I’m feeling.

I will not be okay for a very long time. I expect to be in this state of despair for a very long time. I expect that during my grief, I’ll be told to grow up. To get over it, because nothing I’m experiencing is new. To those people, I will politely and calmly say now; Fuck yourselves with a rake.

 

In Lieu of Recent Events, I Shall Tell You My Favorite Joke

Corporal Riley was out on the battlefield, when the bombs fell. One of the explosions knocked his rifle out of his hands and smashed it all to pieces. Riley, deciding the coast was clear, headed back to HQ to get a new weapon.
Upon arriving, he went to the armory to secure a new rifle. As he entered, he was greeted by a grizzled old colonel.
“What’s this? A rifleman not on the front line? Get back out there, soldier! We have a war to win!” The colonel exclaimed. Corporal Riley was unfazed.
“Sir, My rife was destroyed in a blast. I am not armed.” He replied. The colonel shook his head.
“Are you mad? You have a gun right there!” The colonel darted forward and shaped the corporal’s hand like a gun, index finger pointing out, and thumb in the air. “Now, go out there, and remember to say ‘Bangity bang’ when you fire that thing.” With a shove, the colonel sent Riley back into the war.
Riley went back to his post, worried and scared.
How could this possibly work? He’s insane! Riley thought to himself. He then spotted an enemy soldier creeping towards him. Rolling his eyes, he raised his gun-hand and whispered; “Bangity bang.”
To his surprise, the enemy soldier fell over, dead.
“That had to be a fluke.” Riley muttered to himself, in utter disbelief. He saw another soldier and did the same thing.
“Bangity Bang.” With that, the enemy fell in a muddled heap. A smile spread over Corporal Riley’s face.
For several hours, Riley racked up kill after kill. All that was heard was him saying Bangity bang, as his enemies were felled.
As he laid waste to his foes, one man walked straight at him. Riley pointed at him.
“Bangity bang.” But nothing happened. Fearing that he missed, he tried again.
“Bangity bang.” The man still walked straight towards him, getting closer all the time.
“Bangity bang. Bangity bang BANGITY BANG!!” Trying desperately to bring this foe down, when he was knocked down by him. The pain was incredible.
In last moments, he heard the enemy soldier talking to himself.
“Tankity tank. Tankity tank. Tankity tank.”

Starbound Updates

The Starbound page keeps going down. So I copied and pasted the update list. It’s a doozy and not all that fun to read, but it’s my wordpress. I can post as I please, right? Right.
And so, without any further ado…

  • ***Universe and Worlds***
  • Sectors have been removed, so all stars are part of the same map
  • Star and planet types correspond to difficulty levels, giving players access to progressively more extreme environments as they advance through the game
  • Added oceanic world types including tropical and arctic oceans, toxic and magma planets
  • Added rare Barren and Asteroid worlds with no monsters for large scale building
  • New biomes
  • New surface and underground mini biomes
  • Many changes to surface and underground terrain generation
  • Improvements to background parallaxes and sky coloration
  • ***Ships and Navigation***
  • Player ships now include an AI avatar specific to each race that gives access to the player’s techs, missions, 3D printer, and a variety of ship-related commands
  • Each race’s ship has its own unique set of upgrades, giving players much more room to expand as they progress
  • Fuel costs for travel have been reworked. Moving between planets within a system is now free, while jumps to other systems require fuel in proportion to the distance traveled.
  • Coal no longer powers spaceships! Instead, they can use either radioactive ores or the new Liquid Erchius Fuel that now appears in Moon biomes
  • Many improvements to the Cockpit interface, which now indicates more detailed planet information including weather and environmental hazards
  • ***Outpost***
  • The universe now has a civilized hub containing shops, quests, and other services. This is where players will find quests, missions, and ship upgrades which allow them to advance through the game
  • Includes a Sign Store based on the popular custom signs mod, where players can design and print their own signage for use in game
  • ***Missions***
  • At key points in the progression, players will unlock special Missions
  • Missions take place in unique instanced dungeons containing special monsters, bosses, and rewards not available anywhere else
  • Some missions can be quite difficult, so you’ll want to prepare carefully – or bring friends!
  • ***Novakids***
  • New playable race!
  • Unique progression of craftable guns
  • Unique progression of armor sets
  • Unique progression of ship upgrades
  • ***Tech***
  • Techs are now split into head, body, legs and suit slots, so you can equip up to four at once!
  • Head techs provide various activated effects triggered using the tech hotkeys
  • Body techs provide lateral movement abilities triggered by double tapping direction keys
  • Leg techs provide vertical movement abilities triggered with the jump key
  • Suit techs provide passive protection from specific environmental hazards
  • New tech unlocking system makes a variety of techs visible each time the player upgrades their ship. The player can then use Blank Tech Cards to unlock and equip these techs
  • Many new techs
  • ***Mining***
  • Matter Manipulator can now be upgraded over the course of the game to increase its mining power, area of effect, and allow it to collect liquids as well as blocks
  • Pickaxes and drills are more powerful, but have lowered durability and cannot be repaired, making them a consumable alternative to the Matter Manipulator
  • Smashable rocks found rarely underground contain richer deposits of certain ores
  • ***Combat***
  • Energy regeneration has been changed. Rather than continuously regenerating energy at a slow rate, energy rapidly regenerates when not being used
  • Using energy that exceeds your maximum pool will disable energy usage for a few seconds until your energy has fully recharged
  • New weapon type staves!
  • Use a staff by holding the fire button to charge it, aiming, then releasing the button to unleash a powerful effect
  • Unlike guns, staves manifest their projectiles directly at your targeting cursor for precision combat
  • A variety of staves can be crafted at the new Manipulator Table
  • Beginning at Tier 5, armors are divided into three different progression paths with different stat balances
  • Separator armors have high armor and low energy for melee weapon users
  • Accelerator armors have a balance of armor and energy for ranged weapon users
  • Manipulator armors have low armor and high energy for staff users
  • Many new unique biome weapons
  • More bows (and crossbows) for higher level hunting
  • Many new thrown weapons of various tiers
  • Defense Turrets have been massively improved and can be equipped with a variety of weapons for different effects
  • ***Monsters***
  • New monster type: large flying monsters
  • New monster type: large aquatic monsters
  • Many improvements to monster AI
  • Birds less of a menace
  • ***Survival Mechanics***
  • Temperature has been replaced by a system of specific planetary hazards, which the player will need to unlock new technology to resist
  • Hunger has been removed for now, replaced by an expansion of the cooking system with a variety of buffs (see below)
  • New difficulty option to drop ores and other valuable materials on death
  • ***Farming and Cooking***
  • New crops
  • Hundreds of new cooking recipes
  • Cooked foods now provide a wide variety of buffs, with more elaborate recipes giving stronger effects
  • ***Bug Catching***
  • Bugs unique to each planet type now spawn across the universe
  • Use the bug net to collect and display them!
  • ***Wiring***
  • Most lights in game can now be wired
  • More interactable switches
  • More sensors, switches, and logic gates
  • Fixed lots of usability bugs with wiring
  • ***Other Content***
  • Many new status effects
  • Many new costumes
  • Many new biome furniture/object sets
  • Many new block types
  • Many (over 150) new underground microdungeons
  • Many new toys and novelty items
  • ***Performance Enhancements***
  • Tile rendering
  • Liquid processing
  • Many other optimizations
  • ***Miscellaneous Improvements***
  • Specialty hotbar slots and keys for Matter Manipulator, Wire Tool and Paint Tool
  • New font
  • Keybinding GUI
  • Character deletion option
  • ***Modding Features***
  • Items are now scriptable
  • Status effects are now scriptable
  • New Script Console functionality gives a client-side scripted canvas to build your own GUIs, games, or whatever you can imagine
  • Many new Lua API bindings
  • ***Server Features***
  • Access to tile protection system, preventing modification of specific dungeon IDs
  • Ability to set spawn point for a world
  • Several other new admin commands
  • rcon support

I don’t know what much of this stuff is, but here we are.

Top 10 Most Annoying Mobs in Video Games

This is my list of the 10 most annoying enemies in video games. Bosses need not apply.

10) Pain Elementals – Starting off my list is a throwback to Doom 2. Pain Elementals are floating brown monsters that don’t really do any damage to you directly, but they do spawn Lost Souls constantly. If left unattended,they can fill up a room with flaming, floating skulls. On higher difficulties, there’s never just one.
http://tinyurl.com/painelemental

9) Silverfish – Minecraft has its share of baddies nobody wants to fight, but easily the most annoying is the Silverfish. Little grey bugs that burrow into stone. They attack with ferocity and then hide. Usually, it’s not just one block of these little bastards. Each block you break brings two of these nasty things. Evil little monsters.
http://tinyurl.com/stupidsilverfish

8) Drones – Halo 2 brought us the next installment of what would turn out to be an epic tale. Unfortunately, it also introduced horseflies the size of dogs that could wield plasma weapons. Drones always swarm you and they are difficult to hit. While not hard to kill, damage wise, they were a source of a lot of frustration, for me, when I was younger. Whoever came up with this as an enemy, you need to get slapped.
http://tinyurl.com/halo2drone

7) Black Eagles – I wasn’t sure if I was going to put these in my list, but I’ve been playing a lot of Far Cry 4 lately. You have your random assortment of critters that want to kill you, but the most aggravating is the black eagle. If you’ve played Skyrim, you know the frustration of trying to bring down a dragon that won’t land? Eagles do this to a T. They randomly attack you with razor-sharp beak and talons, all the while, interrupting whatever it is you were doing. Far Cry needs S.A.M. launchers for eagles.
http://tinyurl.com/blackeagleirl <– No images exist from the game? Here’s a black eagle.

6) Zubat – You walk into a cave and suddenly the shrieking of a zillion bats, all alerted to your presence, turn to impede your progress. Zubat has been the thorn in Poke-player’s sides since 1996. Their encounter rates are around 85%, so if you have to spend any length of time in a cave, bring a Psychic/Ice/Electric/Rock type or a repel with you, to dispatch them quickly, or you’ll be wondering why this isn’t higher on the list.
http://tinyurl.com/zubatsareblue

5) Nemesis – One of my all time favorite series, Mass Effect has some of the best stories and gameplay around. Unfortunately, it also has the Cerberus Nemesis. The nemesis is a female sniper who moves around CONSTANTLY. Just stop moving, so I can kill you. Please? They are irritating in one other way too; they tend to focus your attention so that you’re consumed by the urge to kill them, that you don’t notice the Phantom sliding her katana into you.
http://tinyurl.com/cerberusnemesis

4) Guardians - You have a thriving metropolis in Mar Sara, when suddenly a building explodes. People all around are coming apart at the seams for no apparent reason. But there is a substantial reason. Zerg Guardians are eradicating all your stuff! Starcraft is one of my favorites, but I don’t gave to like the flying siege monsters. They have awesome range and high attack, but are vulnerable from the air. But, if you have no standing air force, you may be in a lot of trouble.
http://tinyurl.com/starcraftguardian

3) Cabal Phalanx – I hate these things. Someone at Bungie thought Destiny needed Jackals on steroids. They’re 800 lb gorilla monsters with huge impenetrable shields. Add the Angry modifier, so that enemies don’t flinch, and they become super difficult to fight solo. They hit very hard and take a lot of damage. I don’t approve of these things. At all.
http://tinyurl.com/cabalphalanx

2) Cazadores – Spanish for Hunters, Cazadores are the mob introduced to the Mojave Wasteland, in Fall Out: New Vegas, in an apparent attempt to make you rethink your opinion, on the Deathclaws. I personally hate these more than anything else in the entire Fallout series. There’s never just one cazador either. There’s always a host of them, descending upon you like a venomous tidal wave. Oh yes, they’re venomous. So not only do you die from being swarmed, but if you do survive, you’ll die later from their nasty toxic venom. I truly despise the cazadores.
http://tinyurl.com/cazadoresareawful

And finally, the one and only numero uno….

1) Cliff Racers - The Cliff Racer from Morrowind. What were the folks at Bethesda thinking? They make references to them in later games. all as if they were a plague on the land. Even the NPCs hated them. They looked like pteradactyls with the most annoying sounds and aggravating attack. They don’t hit very hard, but they do move quite fast and are hyper aggressive. The link below will give you an idea of their ferocity. They win most aggravating mob, hands down.
http://tinyurl.com/cliffracerarmageddon

Exhaustion

Minding my own business, when they attacked me. I dispatched the first two with a flurry of kicks. No hesitation, no lapse of thinking as I dropped into a fighting stance. I looked around my immediate area. I could see six more foes. Armed with an assortment of weapons, they had surrounded me.
The first charged me with a baton. I disarmed him and spun, my heel connecting with his jaw. I picked up the baton and turned to my next opponent, who had a knife. Several solid hits to his head and neck and he dropped to his knees. A solid front-snap kick laid him out on his back. Two down, four to go.
Without any real warning, one jumped on my back, putting me in a choke hold. His buddy came in, from the front, to hit me with an iron chain. A front kick, halted his advance, as I dropped to one knee, throwing the first guy over my shoulder. He went sailing into the chain wielding guy, and fell into a muddled heap.
Four down.
Suddenly, sharp pain went shooting through my body. As I recoiled, I saw a man held in a side kick. He had struck my back, while I hadn’t noticed. I fell back into my fighting stance. He charged me with zeal, as I sidestepped him and put an elbow where his teeth used to rest. With a gurgling groan, he passed out. Leaving just one.
I turned to face him. He stood a few feet from me. He bowed and fell into a slightly different stance. Tired of fighting, I threw the first strike. He blocked it and countered, which I too, had blocked. We traded blows for what seemed like hours. Neither relenting, but ever tiring. No matter what I did to change it up, he saw right through it and blocked it. For whatever it was worth, He couldn’t land a blow either.
Fighting with this foe was exhausting. He matched me blow for blow, counter for counter. No hesitation in his strikes.
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
I rubbed the sleep from my eyes as I sat up in bed. I stretched and yawned. Still tired, I shut off my alarm and lied back down. The fight would have to continue.

This is what I was listening to, when this popped into my head.

Changes

The fires flashed with every strike of his hammer
Pang! Pang! Pang! Pang!
The metal molds at every blow
Pang! Pang! Pang! Pang!
With smoke and flame, he forged the forms
Pang! Pang! Pang! Pang!
What he’s making, who can know?

Looking on his art form, the metal hisses loud
Klisssssssssssssss!
As he dips the masterpiece in the oil
Klisssssssssssssss!
He’s truly satisfied at his work
Klisssssssssssssss!
The source of all this toil

He walks outside and sets it down
Thop! Thop! Thop! Thop!
And makes sure the pieces lock
Thop! Thop! Thop! Thop!
He stands to gaze on what’s been done
Thop! Thop! Thop! Thop!
His way forward, he begins to walk
Thop! Thop! Thop! Thop!