The sickness is at bay
My thoughts are my own
Not twisted in any way
No sins I must atone

Relief is shared with regret
As I remember sweetly
But you’d say “I don’t let”
And sweep it away neatly

So with poems I release
The wistful pain within
To make my thoughts cease
Much to my chagrin

In time you’ll come to hate me
As all the others do
I could not resent thee,
For you were my one true…

You wouldn’t think this healthy
but you wouldn’t cheer
In games I can be stealthy
But here I’m all too clear

I will always talk
To you when you’re not there
Whether I take a walk
Or merely washing my hair

You’ll probably never care though
That ship has sadly sailed
I care bout you more than you know
That’s why I think I’ve failed

Time heals all wounds, they say
And I guess time will tell
Though I’m not over you this day
I’ll overcome this hell

Reality

I tried. I pleaded. I wanted nothing more. I wanted to stay in your life.
You pushed me away. You said what you thought. You made sure I would never be there.
You claimed I was creating drama, when it was already there. It was the elephant in the room.
You don’t love me anymore. You haven’t for a long time.
Sure you say that you want the best for me, but it’s hard to believe.
The best is you, and I don’t have that anymore.
You pushed me away. It was easier for you.
Now I’m gone. I hope you’re happy.

Angel

Told I am loved, but endlessly used.
Great is my power, yet I am abused.
Helpless and trapped, controlling my life.
He is the source of all of my strife.

In need of a hero, to end all my pain.
Six new ones approach, but they need to train.
One is like me, but totally free.
Another is thin and tall like a tree.

The third is quite stocky, the fourth is real cute.
The fifth is a man with a turret to shoot.
The last one is ripped and is clearly deranged.
Maybe at last my life will be changed.

Told I shall trick them, like the ones from before.
Hope they can save me, this life I deplore.
Lead them all to my side, so I that I can rest.
But he puts all their skills right to the test.

They succeed in the end, to his angry dismay.
I tell them to end it, this is my last day.
With tears streaming down, they grant me my peace.
And finally now, my torture will cease.

Stream of Consciousness ’16

It’s a brand new year. Big deal. It’s just another day. A day on the edge of the end of the world. It’s coming, I can feel it. Not sure how it’ll come and I’m not going to break down and buy a bunker somewhere, or force folks to sell their possessions.
Lots to do this year. Bettering myself and the like. I gotta write more. I only seem to write when tragedy befalls me. Look at December. November was fraught with emotions too. I feel like I’m okay now. Maybe I’m not. Who even knows? I sometimes wish I was a sociopath. Not the kind that preys on people. Just unfeeling. I suppose that would just open up a whole new can of worms, so to speak. I dunno.
Not sure what I’m looking forward to in this new year. I turn 30 in October. As of this moment, I don’t see it as a big deal. It’s just another day. I’m sure I’ll be more insecure about it during one of my manic episodes. Then I’ll write more cryptic poems that show how much pain I’m in.
Writing from the heart is good practice, but I need more happy stuff on here. I need to work on The World Within. Some people really liked the idea of Paen, the Sephoran dark lord. I do too, but I no longer identify with the main hero. How do I write from that perspective? It was always going to be in third person, but I just lack the ability to keep it interesting. I don’t want people to look at it like a LoTR clone. All fantasy novels draw from Tolkien in some respect. Look how well the Eragon series did. The books, not that travesty of a movie.
I’m going to do my best to write more. That’s not a New Year’s Resolution. That is 1080i.
Okay, I need to find something to eat. Thanks for reading, folks!

Misunderstanding

A wistful grin
A casual laugh and smile
Not enough time has passed yet
A feeling oh so vile

I just want my friend back
But my friend is going to leave
Since I can’t keep my mouth shut
And once again I grieve

So now my heart is heavy
Can’t do anything right
A misunderstanding
That completely fucked my night.

Chronos

A disappearance of hope. The end is here, but time will go on. Time, the great mystery, in which all wounds are healed. Nobody talks about the wounds that time creates.
I hold onto a time that made me the happiest. I cling to it fiercely, but time stretches ever forwards. Time rips my flesh, as it makes that moment drift farther and farther away.
The future looks bleak. I try harder and harder to go back to that time where I was happiest, but it only makes things worse.
Memories that were happy are now sad. Happy that I had them, sad that I cannot have them anymore. They don’t get to hold the same meaning.
Time moves ahead. Never stopping. Never reversing.
I just want those moments back.

The Horror

He was stabbed, over and over. They all tried to scream out his name, as his flesh was cut again and again, but their voices would not come. His insides were left in a muddled heap a few feet away. Were they left as a warning? Perhaps some gruesome visage to ward off potential threats? None of them knew.
Suddenly, another figure approached. Crouching low, the figure surveyed all the others. With a wide grin, the figure snatched one of the others. They knew it was only a matter of time before they ended up disemboweled and left for dead.
“Daddy? Can we carve this pumpkin next?”